A passage through growth … a mother’s contemplation of self

Today we had a wonderful occasion for my son’s 5th birthday. The joy in Kalel’s face when he saw his cake and gasps of air with each new present were gifts for both me and my husband. I didn’t know so much pleasure and peace could come from watching another person’s happiness until my children were bestowed upon me. Each day they grow and learn, I do so as well. I followed my folks by example at the start, but now I find I make my own rhymes and reason.
But just as slight ease and comfort settle in with my role of educator; I find that my engaging boys school me.
The birds that sing and snack on our deck some days, somehow seem speak the same language as my children. I attempt to understand the dialect, only realizing I had let magic of that argot slip through my fingers years ago. When did I lose it? Where did I lose it? Why did I stop seeing the beauty and ingenuousness in the world? –Was it just growing up or was it something else?....
The ‘old’ me full of selfishness and lack of responsibility doesn’t fit into my life as it is now, and letting go of that slight superlative has been difficult at times. But with that being said, the harmony and incantation with my old self I can bring along on this voyage. My mommy role is more blissful and satisfying than I ever could have imagined ….and yet some days balance does elude me, a struggle still to grow. This quote seems to sum it up, “The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.” {Barbara De Angleis].

My life these days, I feel sometimes lost ... or as though I’m simply still becoming. Ten years ago I might of said, ‘this is who I am, this is really me’ ~as if the the mold was set... but this is not so now. Today I feel as though I’m on a journey; I’m rediscovering life and myself. I used to feel that I couldn’t wait to ‘be’ something, but now,… I’m floating, I’m changing… I’m becoming every day, remembering the enchantment and delights in the world. My beautiful boys teach me about love and real sharing every moment of every day.

So, with loud laughter and blessed newness in each morning’s light, I know my fresh mind and path is paved by both my boy's hands. And its in days like this I am so thankful for the nuggets of guilelessness my boys deliver that are so joyfully aiding us all to become who we are meant to be.
With every magnificent lesson learned and each ridiculous mistake that’s made: gloriously this teacher becomes the student.